..and I have an SEO problem. You see, when you search on Google for my name, these are the first results you see:

Google Nathan Kaminsky

Are you THAT Nathan Kaminsky?

To be clear, I do not now, and have never lived in London. Not even in 1885. I do not now, and have never made boots.  I am not now schizophrenic or syphilitic and hope never to suffer from either. Most importantly, I’m not Jack the Ripper. Of course, most of these things would be relatively apparent if you met me and shook my hand in person. But to a search engine, what’s important is to find the most linked and discussed instance of my name. This is what most people want from a result. They want this:

Michael Bolton

Michael Bolton, The Singer

and not this:

Michael Bolton from Office Space

A man taking his rage out on a printer.

Back in the early days of the internet, it was fairly easy to get that sweet number one spot- all I had to do was start a blog with my name, and after just a bit of time, there I was. But ah, the internet, she can be a cruel mistress. The search algorithms look for what most people want to discuss and learn about. I’ve never done anything as disturbing as… the other Nathan Kaminsky… and hopefully never will. But maybe I can do something worth paying attention to, something funny enough to share. Because starting this month, my new job is to make sure that the right people are the most visible through search engines. Here’s my ambitious proposal. By the end of this month, I want this blog article to be the first result on Google. That way, when somebody thinks to search for me, they get something more timely and up to date than the foggy, terror filled  streets of London in 1885.

It’s a bit ambitious, I will admit, but at least I’m not trying to put this:

Michael Cera as George Michael from Arrested Development

An awkward young lad from a sadly short-lived TV show.

In front of this:

George Michael, the singer

George Michael, The Singer

And though every now and again why my parents didn’t name me Daniel, making me compete with this:

Danny Kaye, Born Daniel Kaminsky

Born Daniel Kaminsky

I know that they didn’t have search engines to check on this sort of thing when I was born. (Moral of the story for expecting mothers and fathers: Google before you fill out the paperwork.)

So how do we get to the top? If you have a blog, share. Post a link with the name “Nathan Kaminsky” as the anchor text. This page will get a bit of link juice. Bit by bit, we can all pull together to bring it to the top, and clear my name from its insidious association.

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